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Modest Proposals articles Thursday, November 13, 1997
Postcards from the edgeAs attentive readers will recall, I’ve just taken a holiday, and as I sat in the Broome St Bar in New York City one evening I was moved to ponder the future of postcards. It’s become an obligation to devote some of your time while away to writing two paragraphs of banality on the back of a cheesy picture of the area’s most famous landmark, and then mail it home. You will, of course, arrive back before the card. Thursday, November 06, 1997
Dramatic commitment or promiscuity - the rhythm of TV dramaTV Drama shows have to move comfortably in two different scales. Firstly, the small circles of the hour, with the plot coming to a reasonably conclusive end after each episode, giving the audience a satisfactory feeling of closure. Secondly, they also have to play the long game, with events building up episode by episode so the major characters develop over time. This is why medical dramas work so well. You can bring in new characters as patients every week to power the plot for that particular episode. At the same time, the fortunes of the staff fill out the longer-term plot needs. Interlacing the two makes the whole experience much more rewarding. Thursday, October 23, 1997
The High Life - what’s wrong with flyingMuch of contemporary life would be hard to explain to earlier generations (it’s hard enough explaining what I do to my parents), but air travel is so spectacular that sometimes it’s difficult even for us to cope with. You get on a metal tube in London, sit down, have something to eat, maybe watch a movie, snooze for a while, and then when you wake up you’re in (say) Tokyo. In the face of this miracle, we have become so blas? about things that all we do is moan about the plastic food and the lack of leg room. Saturday, September 27, 1997
Travellers’ TalesThe way you see the world largely depends on the stories you’ve been told about it. Places you’ve never seen exist in your head as reflections of the things you’ve learned from tv or films or books or magazines. While we in Europe might be sitting down to episodes of ER and Seinfeld, we are watching them in a completely different way from our American cousins. Thursday, September 18, 1997
Caught in the Act - Reality TVYou switch on the TV to see a camera follow a policeman as he chases down a corridor and kicks in a door. ‘LAPD! Stay where you are!’ he bellows, as the flashlights play around the room. Is this real drama or is this drama real? It’s hard to tell, until you see that the suspect’s face is pixellated out - it must be real. I’ve had lots of detailed comments from readers on the subject of tv cop shows of both a fictional and a real-life nature, and so this week, I’ll leave most of the talking to you all. Thursday, September 11, 1997
Camomile Tea vs Motorbikes‘Those who go through life prepared for every eventuality do so at the expense of much joy’, runs the (half-forgotten) quote. Camomile tea has with it the air of preparedness. For some (few), there’s an immediate attraction in the taste, and for most, a welcoming calming effect, but it still smacks of being over-cautious. You’re not living in a great big way drinking the stuff - it’s not shots of frozen vodka or even a good nerve-tingling espresso. Thursday, August 28, 1997
Live music vs. Playing sportU2 are playing back here in Dublin over the weekend, and the town is buzzing with people desperate to get tickets. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who might be able to get hold of a couple, and expectation hangs in the air like Michael Jordan above the hoop. But I won’t be going. When you’re ten, choosing a career is easy - there are only a few options. Children want to be astronauts and deep sea divers and sports stars and doctors. Test leads, fulfillment agents or (heaven forbid) Internet content editors don’t figure much. Wednesday, July 09, 1997
Vinyl vs. CDsLet’s see now - sound quality vs coolness quotient, durability vs authentic wear and tear. Despite the megastore’s embrace of CDs, vinyl refuses to die - is this just nerdy affectation, or is there something wrong with those shiny silver discs? Wednesday, June 18, 1997
David Duchovny vs. Gillian AndersonDiscussing The X-Files on the Internet is like being English and talking about the weather - it’s so common as to be stereotypical. However, keeping banality at bay, there are some crucial things to say. Firstly, the show is deeply manipulative, working on us in a very skilful way. This is done partly by a tight and recurring pattern for many episodes - a precredit sequence gives us an insight into someone we know to be weird, and ends in a death. Then we have a brief piece of investigation, and an autopsy (oh, Scully in her surgical scrubs). By this stage, the viewer is required to have recoiled in horror at least once - uuuuugh! - we say, as someone spontaneously combusts, instantly suppurates or loses a crucial limb. Wednesday, June 04, 1997
The Empire Strikes Back vs The BibleYour modest proposer is not normally given to self-revelation, but this week we come to a topic that warrants some autobiography. When I was ten years old my older sister and I went to see The Empire Strikes Back. I enjoyed the film in a ten year-old way and spent the whole summer playing with an imaginary light sabre (not the dodgy plastic ones you could buy in the shops - they were bobbins). It was not until I saw the film again earlier this year that I was suddenly struck by the scary thought that my moral view of the world might have been shaped by a 3-foot high muppet with a croaky voice. Tuesday, May 27, 1997
Friends vs. This LifeYou live with or near a pile of friends in a big city, you’re in your twenties, your problems revolve around relationships and your career, and you spend lots of time in bars, cafes or pubs. The description applies both to Friends, the ubiquitous US sit-com, and to This Life, the rather more low-profile BBC2 drama-cum-soap. Throw in the tension of a couple of the protagonists going through an on-again off-again relationship, and you might be wondering if there are any differences at all. Wednesday, April 30, 1997
Hamish Macbeth vs. BallykissangelYour modest proposer, normally content only within the sound of Christchurch’s bells, currently finds himself in California. But when the sun glints off the Pacific, one’s thoughts turn to picturesque Celtic villages. Ballykissangel and Hamish Macbeth both trade on their scenery and their whimsy. The characters have a twinkle in their eyes, a quaint turn of phrase, and spend all day in the pub. Both villages have a plentiful lack of problems - policemen Hamish and Ambrose have so little to do that they can take a full part in the many community activities that revolve around beating the next village in obscure contests. Thursday, April 17, 1997
Pringles vs PlaystationAn intelligent young man sits in front of the TV, clutching a PlayStation controller and screaming in horror as his alter ego crashes to his death off a pixellated cliff. He bitterly shakes his head and mumbles, ‘just one more go’. He doesn’t want another go. He knows he should be doing creative and positive things, but instead he feels about nine years old, and part of him wants his Mum to come in and tell him to get up those stairs and tidy his room. Thursday, April 10, 1997
Spice Girls vs. U2This whole thing is about words and deeds. The Spice Girls have created a phenomenon by projecting an image of sexy misbehaviour and irreverence. The attitude is their unique selling point, because the music itself is glitzy but essentially mundane. The lyrics mouthed by these advocates of girl power are actually simpering tributes to the values they denounce in their frequent public statements. |
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